Tank Greer

Tank Greer played the game before he ever talked about it. A nose tackle by trade, he spent a few seasons in the pros doing the dirty work in the middle of the line, until a knee injury ended his playing days earlier than he wanted. He will happily relitigate any take he's ever blown on air. That one, he doesn't joke about.

So he clawed his way back to football the unglamorous way: calling rec-league games off a borrowed headset, then a 2 a.m. sports-radio slot nobody else wanted, building a following by being louder, bolder, and more certain than his track record had any right to be. Now he holds the hot-take chair, where he starts the argument, usually loses it spectacularly, and comes back next week swearing this is the one. He plugs his apparel line, GREER GEAR, at every opportunity.

A committed bachelor and a fixture of the town's nightlife, Tank is forever one great date away from settling down and never quite gets there. The desk gave him back the locker room he lost when his knee went, and under all the volume he's the softest touch in the building. Everybody knows it.